Paying the piper
Fear not Mum, I am not broke…yet. No, this short blog piece is more a mental vent than anything; a topic that played on my mind in small doses at first but more recently has come to the fore in recent weeks. Nothing in life is free as they say, so why should an expedition be any different. I am five months in and the cost of what I am doing has long been a topic as a distraction from the saddle sores. It is not all plain sailing; to leave your job, loved ones, friends and familiar surroundings and go into the unknown. However, whatever you face on the road is your own making but it is what you miss or leave behind that is your real cost.
An expedition of a lifetime has an inherently selfish aspect to it (heightened when doing it solo), with a price to be paid on your every decision. There’s of course the obvious financial cost of the expedition; which is abjectly ruinous so let’s not go there. No, what is more important is the cost to you personally and the people closest to you when you have made the decision to leave. Birthdays missed, weddings skipped, best man announcements unattended, funerals….what to say. Time away from loved ones is like carrying an interest in debt, with the more time spent away creating a greater cost.
The views can cost more than you think
Moments of pure joy, which you should be spent hugging and laughing with loved ones is a FaceTime at best, or more likely a dodgy voice note that goes unanswered for a few days. Not the champagne moment you dreamed of, not even cava. We are at a stage of life where growth in oneself and life circumstance seems to increasing in orders of magnitude, and it pains me to not be there to share the trials and tribulations of my mates and family. I have no regrets about leaving, that much is true; but maybe I should have attempted this voyage during a period of life without so much going on…or maybe that would be my same excuse at 24.
Of all the things I have missed however, it is the moments of loss that have been my biggest cost. Plans to see those now sadly no longer with us, regale them with the adventures from this expedition will sadly never materialise. Gone, no reschedule nor any rain check. These are costs that I will carry with me long after I return, debts that will not be repaid, at least in the current circuit of life I am on.
You can only hold onto memories, those fleeting moments of time, knowing that - like the prized photo you leave on the wall - it will slowly bleach and fade with time. Treasure your time on earth; but far more importantly, treasure where your time takes you and the people that make that time a memory.
An image more burned in my memory than by the setting sun
On a more positive note, the cost incurred from time away can also be a wonderful thing. They call it ‘spending’ time for a reason, and it is in the many moments I have experienced over these past few months that reassure me that my time has been spent very wisely. The development of me as a person, experiencing intangible moments that cannot transcend into text for this blog, itches long wanting to be scratched, scratched.
This trip has felt like a lifetime in a good way. Full of sights, sounds, smells……moments both unforgettable and yet unbelievable; a dream state existence. There are times where my brain feels full capacity just with memories, unable to process today unless the indulgences of this trip from a few months ago can be filtered out. All I can say is thank God I’ve written a diary and taken 1000s of photos, as even my memory of leaving home becomes blurrier by the day.
An idea, inspiration or just my calling. Listen to what you want and go ahead with it.
What this expedition has taught me is to enjoy every moment you can. Love ‘spending’ time with those closest to you or in places that ignite you. Eventually we all depart, and it better to leave a person rich in memory than one rich with money. Surround yourself with good people and the good times usually create themselves; immerse yourself in wonderful places and ditto wonderful spectacles can happen, perhaps merge the two together and see what happens.
I have loved spending my time on the road, and conversely now look forward to paying back my debts when I get back to the UK. I can only advise others to take a moment with themselves to think what debts they want to rack up, with whom and where and begin the plan to spend.
Finished reading this blog? Good. Now message someone, tell them a nice thing or arrange to meet in the pub. Or, if you fancy some time on your ones, put on your shoes, go outside and walk. Breathe it all in and appreciate it all for what it is. It doesn’t need to be the world’s greatest moment but you can still make the smallest things become something much bigger, into something that will burn long in the memory.
